What is this amazing and wonderful, confusing and -hard, up and down, beautiful, labor- of- love marriage all about? How can all of these words be used to describe the most wonderful relationship ever? Have you ever thought about the complexity, the beauty and the depth of intimacy of marriage? Have you ever been awestruck by your spouse? Have you ever looked back over the wedding pictures, or videos years later and still smiled, still blushed when you saw your mate? Do you remember the first time you witnessed the generosity of their heart they had as they showed kindness to a stranger? When was the last time you remembered, the good stuff? How far did you have to go back? A week, a day, a month a year? It is so easy for couples to forget the good stuff in your marriage when you focus on the negative.
Let’s go down memory lane and remember what is was like when we were young and in love. You know, when you were courting your partner, and you stayed on the phone until the wee hours of the morning; knowing you both were exhausted and had to get up early the next day, but you just could not get enough of them. The comfort and love you experienced knowing they were just on the other end of the phone line.
Remember when he asked you out on your first date, the excitement you had, you could not wait to pick out your outfit, wash your hair, get all glammed up, because your love crush was taking you out for the night. Remember fellas, how nervous you were, when you asked her out, hoping she would say yes, checking to make sure you had every detail for the evening planned out? Remember how important it was to make a good impression? When you saw each other you had butterflies in your stomach, thinking. “Will tonight be our first kiss?”
Remember, life before the marriage, the children, the careers? – Before everything started happening all at once? The joy you had when you saw their name come up on your phone, or you received a sweet text message: “Hey beautiful!” Or,” I can’t wait to see you tonight.” The feeling of being in love, falling in love- knowing that the person you are with was your mate for life? They had your back and you had theirs. The level of vulnerability you had with them, is not shared with anyone else. They are the only ones who you can be your complete self with.
Now, think of today. Reminisce about how overtime your lives have been intricately connected and a natural rhythm has evolved between you too. You are the yin and yang of each other, and although, you might not have the time to talk like you did on the phone until the wee hours of the morning as you did when you were dating, but you remember what you have now. Those sweet quiet moments you share in the middle of the night, as you lay your head on their chest and listen to his heart beat; and you are thankful. Remember when you were sick last month, and your spouse took care of you, cooked for you, put the children to bed so you could rest. Remember how they stayed up with you as you were healing, not complaining, but just present with you, loving you through the hard parts of life and never letting go.
That is what marriage is ALL About! It is about all of the good, bad, ugly, exciting, moments of the beautiful journey. The process of learning each other and learning to love each other transforms you into a new being, where you are constantly discovering something new about yourself and your mate, all the while learning to truly understand the decision to love unconditionally.
Wisdom Nugget: Take time to today to remember the Good Stuff and if you find yourself having a difficult time, it’s okay to reach out for help!
Socrotiff Carruth Michael, is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist & Licensed Professional Counselor. She provides therapy to couples and co-owns Michael & Michael Counseling & Consulting, LLC, with her husband Original. please visit their site at: www.counselingwiththemichaels.com